too much

 i thought that i would get away with with skipping couple of events but my little plans failed,miserably .So i had to do the hand-holding thing, that i hated and my blood was a tasty snack to several bugs, what a nice way to spend a sunny day ( hold for sarcasm).

  I saw, heared someone who played a part of my me picture, i found out that nothing had changed , i'm still the insecure girl i was a year ago, i can't believe that another year had gone by.Every time i see that person, my world is damaged for months, it's like i'm desperately trying to be somebody else that the person would notice how different i am. I really don't care about the person, i just have putten my past on his face.I'm always competing ,the sad part is that the person i'm competing against, is me , a better version of me.

 I don't understand why but i really like these people ,that know that i'm listening and they are talking about me : this gives me an opportunity to see myself the way they see me. I'm really not a fan of the people ,who say things behind my back, i know that they have something to say but they won't reveal their thoughts about me, they just boil and that makes me impatient .Sometimes when i see some of them , i treat them the way they do with me, every stare and grimace on my face is a mirror of theirs.