burn memories, burn

 Today while watching a soap ( i know,i'm lame) ,i saw a woman burning a letter she wrote to a man .It gave me an idea: i would write a letter and then burn it.I was hoping that it would somehow make me feel better.

 When the letter was written, i was surprised of the amount of the anger .While burning the letter i felt like i can leave some of the memories behind .

(I'm trying  to leave the B class behind and start over cause lately i've felt the paranoia i used to feel when i was in B class: paranoia of the class B- anxiety,fear,delusion, feeling that everyone knows something about me that i don't ,it's like everyone is out to get me.Every stare i get is hostile.)

 

"Fear leads to anger, Anger leads to hate, Hate leads to Suffering."

I wrote about THEM and how much i hate them and how much i want to hit some of them. While writing about someone i remembered the incident i had in the 3-rd grade with a classmate: she bullied me and one day our teacher was away. While then i used to come to school an hour earlier, she was there and i was on my way to the computer class ,she was near the door and she started saying some insulting things to me , i remember getting mad at her and i lost the control of myself and then i pushed her.I was terrified of myself... i left school that day and after that i started skipping school and i started being late. After that the paranoia came, i thought that everyone hates me ,when someone said something critical about me i left the building.