what? why? when?

Today i woke up 30 minutes later than i was supposed to... '' nice''.
In a hurry i asked my mother to fill in the blanks on the paper that says  i'm out of singing studio but then she said that she won't sign it: I HAVE TO STAY IN SINGING STUDIO  
 The first lesson was physics and when it ended i wanted to scream and punch some walls: i' m a passive student ,i don't like to to solve assignments in front of the class... it's not the way i work .I was annoyed ,so i read the singing book and learned to sing rock ( it's soo cool and fun)
 Then i went to the studio and told the teacher that i will stay in the studio, she was quite surprised .In couple of hour i was back and i showed her my new technique : at first i showed her the song, she didn't think i could sing like that but when i sang the song to her she was impressed.I'm not finished i will gear up my voice a little bit.
 I 've decided to perform a mash up on a concert , this will be my big goodbye , i will leave but i will make sure i will be remembered.

why

for several days i wanted to write: yesterday i wrote a short story  (749 words) to my private blog ,it was kinda fun to write ,it so much pleasant to write in English. Today i wrote a bit more (617 words) and i think i will continue writing this story (it's kinda epic to write a story about vampires, i really like to write about killing people).  am i a sociopath ?

odd, i know

i've decided to do something weird : i'm going to say hi to people .

 Usually i just stare at the ground or give an evil eye to people who are laughing but tomarrow i will face my fears and thoughts by saying a cheerful hi to others.the minimum is 5 people (i can do way better than that).

why are you so paranoid?

Sometimes i feel like everyone knows something about me that i don't.
it bothers me that people are laughing (i do know how it sounds- crazy ), i actually think the subject is me.Every month i' m taking a test and the results are always the same: you are paranoid.
  Since yesterday i'm not sure of anything, it's like i have a new pair of eyes.it's like just yesterday it was 2006 and now... what have i done!!!

boo hoo

i quit the singing studio. At first i thought that i would regret it but i don't .The odd part is that i feel happy ,it's like i'm me again .I have cople of ideas what i would like to do but nothing 's certain .

my throat hurts and i'm full of optimism ... 

what the hell is going on?

i'm fine

i have difficulties with bonding with others. i think it's quite clear why i only DO smalltalk, mostly even that is awkward for me.i'm really ok with everything.i don't care much.

1. lack of remorse 
2. being antisocial 
3. negative viewpoint
4. paranoid
5. being constantly annoyed
6. holding grudges
7. coldness
8. low self-esteem
9. sensitivity for rejection and criticism 
10. being too self-conscious
11. i trust no one
12. i am moody

it 's me

i didn't expect that

poems make me feel like an angry emo. i do hate estonian , every time i leave that classroom i want to scream and commit suicide.

why ME

When i fell asleep yesterday i wouldn't of thought that i would be seeing a dream , a very bizarre dream. guess who i saw .... the jonas brothers. at first it was in a sunny place but then i went on a trip with some of the girls and there was joe, later when i was bored i went back to the bar where my little dream had begun.it was winter ,there were couple of hills ,i fell ,i checked my knee, it was alright... thank god.when i got  up and started walking back ,i saw joe again ,he said something goofy and ... i woke up.

i took it as a sign: i'm free...free of the past,pain and poisonous thoughts about others.Finally i got rid of it ,i feel soo much better now. the jb part is  quite creepy... i hope  i'm not obsessed.

psychologist

 i wasn't at school today... i was in tartu. It was the first time for me to talk to a Psychiatrists: she asked me some questions and at the end of the session she said that i might be depressed. my second appointment is in may.Then i will meet a psychologist AND a Psychiatrist.